Not easy but worth it 2022

2022, two years into the pandemic, the after, and this year has looked, well, different? Life has been more consistent, but at the same time there are still fault lines in my life and in the world that keep me up at night. This year has been wild and trying.

I looked grief directly in the eyes. Not once, but thrice. I lost. I lost and I chose to love. Chose to love in the face of adversity. Chose love when I felt helpless. Chose love because its too easy to be hard.

I saw John Mayer. Grieved. Became of service to things greater than myself. Plunged my hands into Mother Earth. Marveled over a full moon in NYC. Learned what friendship is really about aka true love. Learned that its okay to love them from a distance. Confidently walked in and out of large crowds alone. Became a beekeeper. Saw new horizons. Found the beauty in fall again. I worked on myself so that when winter came I could lean into the cold instead of escaping it. Made new holiday traditions, and found that home is a place inside of you.

As I've been reflecting on this year this poem caught my attention. So much of this year has been about love. Acting out of love. Remembering to trust that what we put into the universe will always come back.

The Thing Is

to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you’ve held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you down like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.

Ellen Bass

I never know how to conclude these posts. With optimism? Anticipation? Fervor? 2023, I welcome you. Let's make it one of the best yet.

Photos by BMB Photography &  Brooke Billings